Latest Update

As of tonight, the rumors are that the cut off might likely be 12.08.05 and not 12.12.05 (that's us). Nothing is confirmed at this point. Stay tuned for more adoption drama.

Update, Distractions, and Food for Thought

While the rumors keep changing with the wind (now some new rumors out that cut off is somewhere between 5th -9th), I need to distract myself, to say the least.

And if you need a little distraction too, start with The Green Mommy. Today she has a very thought-provoking post on being a socially-conscious consumer. In light of the recent news of Gap products being produced by child laborers, she puts an interesting spin on the meaning of social responsibility.

"We are living in a society that is not content with what we have. We are living in a society that is nearly obsessed with living beyond our means. And we’re living in a society that is focused on projecting an image of success and affluence even though there may be nothing to substantiate that image. So when a corporation with a shiny image like GAP tells us that we can get a full wardrobe of the season’s best outfits and look just like the celebrities hawking the style on television, we jump at the opportunity without considering its true cost. After all, we have an image to keep up."

It's quite revealing of a serious addiction that has invaded our society. It's a challenge to redefine our personal meaning of the word "contentment".

"What a sad thing it is to see that most people never even bother to think about the reason for their existence, but live as if they believe themselves created only to build houses, plant trees, cultivate the garden, pile up wealth or do frivolous things. Consider your own past life. Say, "Lord, what was I thinking of when I was not thinking of You? Whom did I love when I was not loving You? I should have fed upon the truth, but I glutted myself with vanity and served the world instead of serving the truth." -- Saint Francis De Sales, INT. Part I, Ch. 10; O. III, p. 37

The Latest News

The Spanish Rumor Queen has upgraded the rumor that 12.12.05 (that's us) IS in fact the cutoff for this next batch (meaning this week's batch). She gives it a 10 rating! (news as of today)

The U.S. Rumor Queen is saying to not bank on this as there's not enough information to confirm that this is fact (news as of today).

My agency is saying that the 12th is a longshot and that they expect the CCAA to get to the 9th for the cutoff (news as of last week).

So what's a girl like me to do? Now do you see what I go through each month? Oh...my daily ritual of the constant guessing, hoping, and praying. I want so desperately to believe the rumor that we are included and will be seeing our baby for the first time within a week! I want to throw "cautious optimism" to the wind and jump over the moon with joy. But instead, I find myself tempering my excitement until the referrals are mailed out this week and a cutoff is confirmed.

How am I going to get anything done this week, with the constant heart palpitations and these hopeful rumors floating around out there? I can assure you that my bum will be glued to the computer chair for most of the week. Anything I hear will be posted on this blog. Please keep praying for a Christmas miracle!

Social Etiquette While in China

I'm so fearful of making a social blunder while in China, as I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth from time to time (and in China, anything to do with the mouth or soles of your shoes is a no-no). I'm sure that the Chinese are somewhat forgiving of us foreigners, but thanks to China Adoption Blogs, here, here , here, and here are a few tips on social etiquette.

I Could Have Danced All Night

Can you guess what we did last night? I'll give you a few hint:

Wouldn't it be Loverly.

In Hartford, Hanniford, Hampshire hurricanes hardly ever happen.

The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain.

With a little bit of blooming luck.

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

Yes, you guessed it! We saw a Broadway production of our favorite musical, My Fair Lady! It was amazing! If you have the opportunity in your city to see it, don't miss it. When I "retired" from my previous job to become a SAHM, my friends gave us a gift certificate for a date night at the theatre. Their reasoning: it would be a while, once the baby arrived, before we would have another date night. Thanks, friends! We had a wonderful time!

Latest News

I just spoke with my agency, and they think that a cut-off of 12.12.05 is a longshot. They think that it will more likely be around 12.9.05. I'm beginning to think this is the case because we have seen rumors in the past that project a few days further than what actually ends up being the cut-off. My agency thinks with a 12.12.05 LID we are more likely to see our referral in December than in November. That's not to say I wouldn't welcome an enormous surprise this month, but I'm not going to bank on it. I trust my agency more than I trust the rumor mill. I wouldn't mind if my agency's predictions were proved wrong though.

Latest Update and Matching

The rumor is still hanging out there that the cut-off for this next batch of referrals, due to arrive the first of November, is December 12, 2005. If this is fact, then that means we are included! Hard to believe after waiting so long.

Also, the word is out that matching has begun. What does this mean?

Info from the Rumor Queen on how matching works:

First, they review the baby dossiers and make sure there are no issues with them. We are told that they then count up all of the baby dossiers that are eligible for matching that month and then look to see how far this stack will go in the parent dossiers without sending out a partial day, and they pull all of those parent files. That is the likely cut-off date. Sometimes something happens and they don’t get this far. Sometimes something happens and they get farther.

Next they match orphanages up with agencies. When they are through with this is when some agencies start to get information about the cut-off date. Or at least it is when they used to start getting information.

And then they start matching individual babies to individual families. The various conversations seem to all agree that they first look for something that stands out: a matching birthday, a baby who looks a lot like a parent, or a baby who likes music and a parent who teaches music. Several matching people have stated they match by bone structure of the baby’s face and the parent’s faces (this is why they need our passport photos, so they can compare our mug shot with the baby’s mug shot). Some have stated that they used Chinese astrology, also. Once they’ve matched the obvious matches they then start to look at things like age of child requested. The age requested is not a priority for them.

Each matcher is assigned certain agencies and is responsible for communicating with their agencies. Some matchers tell their agency the cut-off date, some matchers tell their agency “you have X number of referrals arriving”, some matchers give their agency a list of that agency’s families that will be receiving a referral. And some matchers don’t say anything at all to their agencies.

So if we are indeed included in the cut-off that means right now a matcher is looking at our passport photos and sealing the fate of our family. Weird thought! Ultimately, I know that God's hand is orchestrating the entire event as I never could have imagined that we'd be where we are today, expecting an extraordinary gift from China (despite my horridly unattractive passport picture).

Latest Update...First Rumor

I'm flipping out...the Rumor Queen says that a European site, the Spanish Rumor site, says the cut off will be the 12th (that's us!), possibly the 13th. They say they are "confirming this", they aren't treating it as a rumor but as fact. Rumor Queen warns not to take it to the bank just yet.

So what would this mean? 1). We'd have a referral in the next week and finally know our daughter 2). The waiting game would come to an end. 3). We'd officially be parents! 4). I'll most definitely be over the moon.

It is so difficult not to get our hopes up too high with this news. We've seen rumors like this many times in the past that proclaim to get further along than actually do. However, for one brief moment, it's exciting to think that our referral is in the next batch perhaps. Friends, pray that we'll get our Christmas miracle afterall! All things are possible at this point now that November 2005 LID's are out of the way. Time will tell.

Vaccination Debate

I need to begin researching the great vaccination debate. This is a controversial issue; however, it's one that mustn't be taken too lightly. Yes, vaccinations have saved many lives, but, in some cases, are they linked to adverse effects? The good news is that parents have options and have the opportunity to make the best choice for their child. I just found this recently and was excited to hear that Dr. Sears' son has come out with a book about this topic. There's another book by Stephanie Cave, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children's Vaccinations, that I'd like to read. I plan to do lots more digging. If you have tips, please leave a post.

Hmmm, Might Want to Think Twice Before Buying Chocolate for Halloween

When we think of Halloween candy, most of us think of chocolates (except for dentists...they think of tooth decay). We load up on bags of brand names like Nestles and Hershey's, without giving it another thought. Perhaps we should give it a bit more thought though this year. Check out what Allison Anton has to say on her post as well as Beth Greer and the Healthy Parenting Blog.

Forty-three percent of the world's cocoa is produced on the Ivory Coast of Africa, where young children are often forced to work in labor camps under extreme conditions, with little to no pay as a result of major chocolate companies not willing to pay farmers a fair trade for cocoa beans. Fair trade means that the farmers are guaranteed a fair price for their crop, no exploitative child labor is allowed, and women’s rights and democracy are supported. You can visit the Fair Trade site for more info about fair trade and the Global Exchange for a list of Fair Trade Companies and more info as well as The Green Guide.

This hits a nerve with me being that I'm adopting from China. We've all heard of sweatshops, right?

Allison suggests these companies for fair trade chocolate:

Equal Exchange (100% fair trade)

Divine (100% fair trade)

Ithaca Fine Chocolates (100% fair trade)

Dagoba

Green and Black's

Endangered Species

You can click here for a list of brands also.

Don't get me wrong; it's a serious challenge to be a socially-conscious consumer. I fail miserably. But ignoring the issue doesn't make it go away. We have to start somewhere. Awareness is the first step.

November is National Adoption Month

November marks National Adoption Month. Start planning now. Help celebrate the miracle of adoption each day during the month of November.

Join Your Local FCC

Last night I attended my first Families of Chinese Children (FCC) meeting in my city where I met so many supportive adoptive parents! They had all the answers -- from packing tips and advice on using the "squat pots" to the "touristy" hot spots. If you're adopting from China and have not hooked up with your local FCC chapter, you're missing out! For more information, go here.

Baby Bottles

As I was registering for baby goods, I had intended to further research alternatives to plastic baby bottles that are safe and do not contain BPA. I was thinking that glass was the only way to go, until this momma turned me onto a couple of resources, helpful in finding the best sippy cup and bottle alternatives.

Trials

The first of this month brought me a rough start with the disappointing referral news (only 3 days worth) and rumors of even more dreadful upsets likely headed our way. All this, shook my foundation a bit, and, for a short time, I was left feeling complete despair. Why would this happen just as they are beginning to match *my* month? Haven't *I* been patient enough already? Can't *we* catch a break already? It felt like a sucker punch to the stomach and to an already very battered and bruised aching heart.

Soon after, I felt a urging to look at these trials in a different light. I earnestly began thanking God for the trial, knowing that this will foster a stronger character, a more grateful and humble heart, and more faith and reliance on what He has planned. And for a day or so, I was back on top again, confident that *I* wouldn't be fazed by this wait. But I'm weak. With the utterings of a cruel adoption rumor floating out there, I was back on the bottom again.

It is so difficult to not desire what *we* think is best for us (usually tangible material things), and instead what He desires for our soul (the spiritual things not found in this world). It's difficult to let go of what little control that we think we have over situations and to instead endure with a glad heart the trials that life throws at us. I seem to want to put my hope in the things that *I* presume will make me happiest, yet it proves as futile as building a house with a deck of cards - the slightest shift and it all comes tumbling down. Deep down I know this is not where my hope should be. Usually the more difficult path proves to be the most rewarding. An ongoing life lesson, I suppose.

"...bear patiently the slight injuries, the little inconveniences, sickness, the unwarranted demands of relatives - in short, all such little trials which, when they are accepted and embraced with love, are highly pleasing to the good God and are a means of storing up vast spiritual riches if only you use them well." Saint Francis De Sales, INT. Part III, Ch. 35;O. III, p. 254

Our Commonality: Humanity

As the wait grows, I've had time to begin thinking about the repertoire of important books that I'd like to include in our daughter's library, books that address issues of transracial adoption, equality, race, diversity, culture and the like. My friend told me about Mem Fox's Whoever You Are. I checked it out from the library and decided it's a definite must-add, with its beautiful illustrations and its poignant message. For ages birth to 5 years (and even good for adults;).

Every day all over the world, children are laughing and crying, playing and learning. They may not look the same. They may not speak the same language. And their lives may be quite different. But inside, they are just like you.

Arrival of the First Good Wishes Quilt Squares

Some days it feels like this adoption is never going to happen. Today was one of those days until....

my spirits were lifted with the arrival of the first of the 100 Good Wishes quilt squares from my Aunt Pam, Uncle Dennis, and cousins Paige and Justin. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom to our daughter.

Multicultural Toys

I am sooo digging the Multicultural Toybox blog! What a great resource for parents!

Learning Mandarin Week-by-Week (minus a week or two)

Okay, so I got a little sidetracked with the latest referrals and failed to learn new words this past week..or two. I think that over the next week I'm going to focus on the few words that I have learned, or at least have tried to learn. Learning has been a challenge for me because 1). I'm not really forced to use them on a daily basis 2). French was difficult enough, let alone Mandarin and 3). I guess I'm not that smart. Yes, it's true. Studies have shown that people who speak Mandarin have more brainpower. Go figure. Here are a few other language resources and this one looks really good for adoption-related phrases. I'm going to make some flashcards for myself and see if that helps.

Race

Wow, I'm so appreciative of Paula's perspective on race. As an adoptive-parent-to-be, for me she serves as the voice of my future adult daughter. I take everything that she says to heart. Her posts have opened my eyes to a lot of issues that I've not thought about before. Thanks for your honesty and sincerity, Paula! In the case of transracial adoption, it truly does take a village of caring multiculturally-informed people to rear a child.

The Grieving Adopted Child

I've had the pleasure of getting to know a woman, who is my age, that was adopted from Korea when she was five months old. I've been enlightened by the wisdom that she brings from her experience.

Recently, we had a discussion about adoption-related grief. Her observation is that the American culture doesn't typically give people much time to grieve. This is so true when you think about it. Usually you only get about 3 days of bereavement leave from work; there are dozens of grief-numbing pills on the market; and therapists are a dime a dozen. The expectations, in our culture, seem to want to wrap up grief in a neat little box and quickly send it on its way.

As adoptive parents we've read that our children will likely be grieving upon their adoption or some time thereafter, grieving the losses that I discussed in an earlier post and here. It's inevitable. They have suffered devastating loss. It may be our tendency to want to distract our babies from this sorrow, but in some ways, by doing this we may be hurting our little ones more than helping. They need time to deal with their losses. And we as parents must remain patient. In fact, it may take much longer than we think. It may take them a lifetime to work through their grief. And we have to realize that that's okay. I have the tendency to want to "move on" and focus on the positives. Not that we shouldn't also offer this kind of support as well, but acknowledging our children's deep hurts is critical in order for them to gain healthy coping skills. Crying with them, having empathy for them, and allowing them to discuss these feelings will help them better cope with their primal losses.

This is a very poignant post that I recently read written by a mother who is also an adoptee from Korea. As an adult, she still wrestles with her losses and rightly so. She is a wonderful writer and her thoughts really help me to better understand how I may be a better support to our child through her difficult times.

Update

It's not official yet, but most likely the cutoff for the recent batch of referrals is November 30, 2005. This means that the CCAA only got through 5 days of LID's, really 3 if you count that 2 of those days are weekend days. This time last year, they had gotten through 18 days of referrals and, the year before that, 19 days. So you can understand that the slow down has been extremely frustrating (and nonsensical) for us waiting parents, to say the least. We signed up when the wait was only at 7 months, not 24+. Did someone switch out China for another China while we weren't looking?

And to top it off, there is absolutely no way to anticipate how far the CCAA will get with the next two batches of referrals in Nov. and Dec. We just have to wait and see, basically. This summer after the CCAA tour, there were reports of the following:

many agencies are reporting that we’ll be at a two year wait when we finish 2007. Several are reporting it will happen before we finish 2007. Several report that the CCAA will be referring some of the December 2005 families in December 2007. The CCAA feels that in 2008 they will be back to something closer to 15 days per month.

I feel like a detective trying to rationalize what this could mean for our 12.12.05 LID date. Most likely, it means a referral no earlier than December. I can't be certain when. One thing is for certain though, many of us waiting parents will have to be put in a "nuthouse" if this continues to go at the same pace, me included.

I'm thrilled for the November 2005 families. They're receiving their referrals and many will be in China around the holidays. How lovely. And I also THANK GOD that the CCAA is finished matching up Nov. 05 LIDs. It took them 6 months to accomplish it. Un-freaking-believable!

So what are we to do in the meantime? Well, this family has been doing a lot of reading. Check out their book reviews. It's off to the library, again, I go.

"Operation Babylift": The Lost Children of Vietnam

Advocating on Behalf of Guatemalan Orphans and Adoptive Families

Though we are not adopting from Guatemala, I feel compelled to advocate for those who are and for the Guatemalan orphans. I received an email from Adoptive Families that reads the following:

Guatemalan President Oscar Berger has announced plans to suspend all intercountry adoption with American families on January 1 2008. The Joint Council on International Children's Services strongly opposes such a suspension and asks for your support in their efforts to ensure that all children retain the right to permanency through Intercountry Adoption.

President Berger's plans also call for the suspension of adoptions currently in-process. Such a suspension would be extremely detrimental to the children referred to adoptive parents. If President Berger's plan is actually implemented, up to 5,000 will unnecessarily remain in foster care or orphanages indefinitely.

This situation represents a pending crisis for the adoptive families who have lovingly chosen to provide permanency, safety and love to a child in need and most importantly a crisis for 5,000 children of Guatemala.

HOW YOU CAN HELP on Oct. 9 - 11! Scroll down to How YOU can participate in the Guatemala 5000 Initiative.

In the Air

The rumors are flying that packages are in the air and are most likely the referrals for this month; however, no one can say for sure what the cut-off date is for these referrals. It's a toss up between November 30 and December 5. It would be GLORIOUS if the cut-off were the 5th, but I'm bracing myself for the more likely November 30th cut-off. I've come to the conclusion that there is no way to predict how the CCAA works when it comes to referrals. And just when you think that you've got it figured out, well....basically YOU DON'T. Not knowing is pure agony!!!

Update on Joey

I love the adoption community! Everyone pulls together to advocate for the greater good! It looks like Joey may have a family soon. His file is on hold. God is so good at working out the details and miracles seem to happen often times at the last minute! Continue to pray that Joey will have a forever family soon.

Let It Snow Happiness!

Consider purchasing these lovely holiday greeting cards from Half the Sky this year. Each card is designed by a participant in the Half the Sky Little Sisters Preschool. Each picture has a little story to go along with it. Inside, the greeting, in both English and Chinese says "Let it Snow Happiness! " Below that, the optional inscription reads "A generous donation has been made in your honor to Half the Sky Foundation." Proceeds go to a worthy cause!

Vote for Half the Sky to Carry the Olympic Torch

Vote for Half the Sky and 8 children from Half the Sky's programs to carry the Olympic Torch in Beijing! Half the Sky is an organization whose mission is to ensure that every one of China's orphans is nurtured by a caring adult. Please cast your vote today!