100 Ideas

Got a lot of time on your hands during this wait? Take advice from artist Keri Smith and her list of 100 ideas.

Dim Sum (Yum!)

I walked over to my friend's house the other day as she was busy getting dinner ready. She was making Japanese Zen Dumplings (mind you we are both Southerners and thus both novices at cooking Asian cuisine). So I joined in the preparation. What fun we had! She was busy chopping while I was wrapping. It took us no time to assemble and steam these delightful little Asian "tokens". Though they aren't a traditional Dim Sum Chinese dumpling, I think that they could easily be adapted to be such. Our time in the kitchen together was a great little motivator for me as I'd like to venture more into the art of Asian cuisine...and who better to do it with than a good friend!

Baby Girl is Gonna Love This

I have a renewed obsession with The Innocence Mission . I just downloaded two of their albums from itunes, Birds of My Neighborhood and Now the Day is Over (Thanks, sis, for the itunes gift card; It didn't take long to blow it!).

I happened upon Now the Day is Over about a year ago and bookmarked it to buy once the little one arrived. But I couldn't help myself and purchased the little gem just now. Now the Day is Over is a collection of songs sung and played as lullabies and includes favorites like "Moon River", "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "It is Well With My Soul". Baby Girl is gonna love it...as it whisks her away to dreamland (that's the idea, at least).

Love Without Boundaries

I absolutely adore the organization Love Without Boundaries. I consider Amy Eldridge, the founder, a Saint as she and others have brought so much hope into the lives of orphaned children.

She so eloquently and candidly writes from the heart in her blog about her latest realization:

"There have been many moments in my life that I have had deep realizations of truth. I remember vividly the moment I realized that there was absolutely no difference between the love I felt for my biological kids and those who were adopted. My realization: that love has nothing to do with genetics but everything to do with your heart. What a wonderful truth to discover.

I remember just as well the moment I stood over a tiny baby’s crib in China and knew he needed heart surgery as quickly as possible and that I was one of the only people who knew that he did. My realization that day: that we can never allow our own fears of taking a risk and failing stop us from action. I was heart pounding scared to ask my friends to help him, but I learned the very real truth that we can accomplish amazing things when we step out in faith.

Not all truths bring joy, however. Some cause real sadness. But I believe all truths bring a clearer understanding of life. I have been struggling the last few months with the truth that my two youngest children lived as orphans. Of course I knew that….since that is the only way they can be in my family today. But recently, this truth has become much clearer to me, as recently I became a grandmother, and I have been able to see every day what a newborn baby wants and needs.

My grandson Asher is a total “tub of love”, and I would be happy holding him up to my cheek all day long if I could, just breathing in his babyness. We live to serve him, and to hear him cry even for a few minutes causes my heart pain. It seems like the second he makes noise, his mom moves into action. When he is hungry, he gets fed. When he is tired, he is rocked to sleep with a silk blankey and a lullaby. We spend hours gently talking to him, making eye contact, and letting him know that he is absolutely, 100% cherished.

In my great love for this child, however, I have had to face the deep realization of what my own two youngest children missed completely. My children never knew what it felt like to be an infant with a devoted mom. Even with the most loving of caregivers, I know my children knew hunger, knew loneliness, and knew bewilderment and frustration that their needs weren’t being met when they cried for help. They were orphans…in a room filled with babies and one lone woman trying to meet their most basic of needs. Of course I knew this somewhere inside of me because of my work, but the full knowledge of it didn't take root until the arrival of my grandson. This realization has caused me great pain, because I love my children so completely. How I wish no child had to be alone. Every baby deserves someone to come when they call.

I look at my grandson, who has never known a moment of pain since his birth, and give such thanks that he is with us. And I look at my own beautiful Chinese children and am amazed and awed by the strength they probably don’t even realize they have. They are such incredible kids, filled with joy and laughter and hope, even after living as orphans. My newfound truth is that children have an unbelievable capacity to trust us, even when adults have let them down in the past, and even when no one had time to come when they called. My latest realization is that all of our children who have faced a portion of their lives as babies without mothers, never being tenderly cradled or rocked to sleep with a song…..all of those children are heroes to me. Their ability to trust again humbles me, and the love they so purely give to us shows me every day the absolute strength of the human spirit.

Let us all keep working to help those who still wait. Truly, they deserve all we have to give."

Amy Eldridge Executive Director

Holidays: Milestones During the Wait

Ladybug. Angel. Tiger. Cat. Ghost. Halloween costumes. Halloween costumes?! Yep, Halloween costumes graced the pages of the latest PotteryBarn Kid catalog and I was ecstatic! I typically protest the early exploitation of holidays, shielding my eyes from the Christmas trees that are erected at the front door of the grocery store even before the Halloween costumes have gone on sale. But not this year. BRING IT ON!

You see, IF (and it's a big IF) the CCAA were to match through LID 11.28.05 by Labor Day, then we can project our referral to arrive shortly after Halloween. In about 9 weeks, people!! That's less than a pregnancy trimester...as often as I use to get a report card...less than a semester of college classes! And if we do indeed receive a referral at that time (and this is optimistic), then 6-8 weeks later means we are traveling to China around Christmas time. Might we possibly have a baby by Christmas! What amazing timing that would be!

A baby by Christmas? A baby in a manger in Bethlehem. A baby in a plane from China. Me pondering a referral by Halloween. Mary, the Mother of God, had there been holidays, might she too have also anticipated the coming of her child around All Saints' Day?

The Nouveau Cowboy

Might someone be retiring soon? I don't know...just a hunch.

Hot Tamales

As families age together, I think often times we're tempted to settle into a complacency with one another, which can be good, but, at other times, not so good. Perhaps it's partly because we wiped their butts when they were little or shared a room with them so we think we know all there is to know about them.

It's important to remember that even family members, with time, continue to grow and blossom in their interests, talents and personalities. We often forget that. I'll be the first to admit that I forget. Instead, we tend to fall back on the same old stories and the latest rumors of a small town or even dead silence, instead of continually "getting to know" the people that we supposedly know best.

I think as a family, we finally nailed quintessential "quality family time". This weekend, upon my dad's initiative, we, as a family, made hot tamales - 8 DOZEN of those babies - in an assembly-line fashion. We each had a task. My sis, the photographer; my mom, the taste tester and dish washer; dad, the recipe reader and mix maker; my hubby, the paper soaker and corn meal spreader; and me, the tamale roller and stacker. All came together beautifully. And man, were the tamales tasty!

We've had several experiences lately that have left us with those warm and fuzzy family feelings. Planning activities in advance is key though sometimes impromptu events are just as effective. Below are a few that have helped foster quality time for our family:

• Cooking tamales and baking molasses cookies together
• Playing Table Topics
• Pictionary, puzzles, Scrabble and other games
• Hiking and biking
• Campfire and marshmallow roasting
• badmidden and croquet
• Comedy club outing

My point is that there comes a time in adulthood when we should look at our families with new eyes. Though we grow up together, we can be quite different in invaluable and positive ways. We can learn new things from each other just by asking the right questions. We should try to treat each member as if they are a new friend we're just getting to know each time we are together.

You'll be pleasantly surprised by what you discover about the people who are nearest and dearest to you; I have. It's often good things that make the heart grow fonder.

Sista' is Blogging

After pestering my sister for months, she finally has a blog! She has a creative and humorous perspective so check it out. Congrats, sista'!

Wisdom from a Hummingbird...

One day an elephant saw a hummingbird lying on its back with its tiny feet up in the air. "What are you doing?" asked the elephant. The hummingbird replied, "I heard that the sky might fall today, and so I am ready to help hold it up, should it fall." The elephant laughed cruelly. "Do you really think," he said, "that those tiny feet could help hold up the sky?" The hummingbird kept his feet up in the air, intent on his purpose, as he replied, "Not alone. But each must do what he can. And this is what I can do."— A Chinese Folktale

Words of Wisdom

Insightful wisdom from a Trappist Monk, Thomas Merton:

A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all. No man can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.

Every moment and every event of every man's life on earth plants something in his soul.

The Paper Clip Project

Combine a tiny, rural town in Tennessee, ordinary people, a middle school, the Holocaust, and a paperclip and -- extraordinary things happen!

Last night we watched the most moving documentary film I've ever seen. The film Paper Clips has truly changed the way that I now look at the world. It's an unbelievably inspiring and touching story about a group of people who learn about the evils of indifference and intolerance as well as the dignity of humanity starting with a simple paper clip. Their project takes on a life of its own. Here's the trailer. It's rated G. Put it in your Netflix queue today and buy some Kleenex.

The Call to Adopt

Check out this post. It's amazing how many of us adoptive parents share the same experience. We get the "call" to adopt, wonder "but how will we afford it", and voila, God works out the details. His goodness baffles me.

Little Buddhas

Paul Merton film.

Chinese Babies

Interesting film about Chinese babies by Paul Merton.

Christianity in China

Interesting film about Christianity in China by Paul Merton

Attachment and Bonding

One thing that is on the minds of us waiting parents is the issue of bonding and attachment. It's been on my mind since day one.

It's easy for people who've not adopted to offer reassurance that bonding will be instant. We tend to think that now that the child has love and attention and is no longer "neglected" that bonding will naturally occur. I agree to a certain extent, but there is a lot more involved that just simply love. We mustn't forget that these children have experienced great loss and grief. To cope, some children learn to disassociate entirely. And as sad as it is, attachment disorders do exist, and may take time and therapy to overcome.

China Adopt Talk recently had a post, The Not-So-Rosey Part. I highly recommend that you read it if you are adopting. China Moms Online is another great source as well as A4EverFamily. Click here for a great article on A4EverFamily. Read this, a sad but true description of what it must be like to walk in our children's shoes.

Some of the bonding tools that many of us have learned that will be helpful include bottle feeding, encouraging eye contact, rocking, touching soles of feet and hands, using skin on skin contact, using a baby carrier, having pool or bath time, implementing comforting rituals and bedtime rituals. I recently purchased our first bonding tool, a baby carrier and am looking forward to using it with our baby. There are lots of techniques that can be used during those first days to help foster attachment.

So, needless to say, I'm re-reading some of the books that I read when we first began the adoption process. I've just begun re-reading Attaching in Adoption which offers a better understanding of healthy attachment and attachment problems. Hopefully, I can post more once I finish reading.

I encourage all waiting parents to delve into the issues of attachment so that we might have appropriate expectations when meeting our children. Of course, we hope for the best, we pray that our children will bond instantly, but, for the sake of our children, we should learn all that we can now so that we can offer the best for them once we are finally united.

Procrastination

My friend over at Flourishing Mother, referenced Joybox's blog series on idleness. I don't suffer from laziness so much, but sometimes I tend to procrastinate a task that that seems too daunting...like say, learning to speak some words in Mandarin when I'd much rather be blogging. However, I found this series to be very insightful and inspiring whether you are tempted by laziness on occasion or just need a jumpstart to begin a task that you've put on the back burner.

Preparing for the New School Year

Margie over at Third Mom had some great tips for preparing adoptive children for the new school year. I value her thoughts as she has two teens who were adopted from Korea. Though I don't have children entering school, this is great food for thought as we adoptive parents (especially who are waiting) begin thinking about the ways in which we can raise awareness about adoption issues -- in a positive way -- among those that will interact with our children regularly, whether it be our child's teachers, friend's parents, our relatives, pediatrician, babysitters, Sunday school teachers, etc. I believe this will only help our children feel more secure and better understood. Adoptive Families also has a great article on the same subject.

Invest in Community Supported Agriculture (CSA)

During the Wait: Learning to Speak Mandarin

I do believe learning to speak Mandarin Chinese is going to be a challenge for me, but I'm willing to give it a shot and learn a few key phrases, songs, etc. Not only is it a difficult language [by the fact that it's completely different that anything I've ever spoken or written or even heard spoken for that matter], but it consists of 4 tones...and I thought that the Southern dialect was complicated. This is a great resource for the easily-intimated, linguistically-challenged, such as me. Take a listen and have a go at it. So will I be considered trilingual if I learn Mandarin, and baby signing? Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

During the Wait: Sewing?

So my mom has been wanting to teach me to sew. Should I take her up on it? I don't usually have the patience for working on tedious projects, not to mention my sewing machine gave me fits in 7th grade Home Ec class -- I wanted to throw it out the window on a few occasions to be honest. These fabrics, however, might certainly change my perspective. I absolutely fell in love with the patterns! So, mom, about those sewing lessons...

fabric: Amy Butler Collection

During the Wait: Foreign Films

Apparently, now is the time to indulge our film-watching fetish, as we keep hearing we won't have time to do so once the baby arrives. So, we were just recently discussing some of our favorite foreign films. These are some of our tops:

Amelie (French)

Children of Heaven (Iranian)

Color of Paradise (Iranian)

Children of the Lost City (French)

The Road Home (Chinese)

Babette's Feast (Danish)

Life is Beautiful (Italian)

Waking Ned Divine (Irish)

Triplets of Belleville (French)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Chinese)

And I've got Mostly Martha (German) in the Netflix queue.

Creating a Multi-Racial Home Environment

I love these suggestions for creating a multi-racial home environment.

Addressing the Transracial Issues

I've added a new list of links to my blog under "Transracial Family". It's important that we, adoptive parents of multi-racial families, be proactive in educating ourselves about the challenges that come along with a multi-cultural family. It's not simply making sure that we live in a neighborhood or send our children to school where there is racial diversity, cook Chinese food once in a while, or learn a few words of their native language. It goes much deeper than these things. We must be committed to providing the kind of support that our child needs when facing racial issues.

The Anti-Racist Parent and Multi-Racial Sky are among some of the most helpful resources that I've found. They offer thought-provoking insights into the lives of transracial families. I encourage all adoptive families to begin reflecting upon some of these issues addressed on these blogs. Unfortunately, though the world is home to many races, it is not free from racism. As transracial families, we do need to think about our responses to the different scenarios that will arise due to the uniqueness of our family, ultimately fostering our children in such a way that they are comfortable with their skin color and with their heritage. I found this recent post particularly interesting.

Moving Right Along

I received an email from our agency today telling us that group 122A referrals have been received and that the average age of babies is 18 months old. We are group 122B! Yahoo! When our turn comes around, we could possibly have a toddler on our hands, given the average age of the recent referrals, but who knows! Anyhow, it was exciting to actually see an email asking us if all of our paperwork is up-to-date and telling us that 122A group is complete.

This is starting to feel very tangible now...not to mention I just went shopping at Target for some of the travel supplies that we'll be needing for when we head off to China (whenever that may be). I've been working on the packing list, so I'm in the mood. I know, it's like Christmas shopping in July (a wee bit early), but it definitely brings on the "Baby" cheer!

Helpful Online Adoption Resources

For any adoptive families out there, I just happened upon a great resource, www.adoptionblogs.com. The articles vary and encompass topics relevant to all international adoptions. I've found it helpful as it discusses race issues, travel, and much more. Of course, Adoptive Families is a handy site with loads of information as well.

China's Orphans

Twenty-three students and faculty from the University of Southern Maine spend 18 days in Chinese orphanages. Their experience is documented here and here.

Creative People

Creative people rock my world! As many of you know, blogging is my new favorite pastime (okay, so maybe I'm a wee bit obsessed with it). But it's not just mindless web wandering. I'm learning a thing or two about a million different things from creative, insightful people around the globe!

So every morning with my cup of coffee, I wander over to Flourishing Mother, and a few other mothering blogs, where I sip on insightful spiritual thoughts from fellow homemakers; then I meander over to the Rumor Queen , as hearing the latest rumors regarding the adoption wait is my daily must; next I mosey over to Two Straight Lines, Black Eiffel, Design Mom, and Oh Happy Day for a bit of creative juice with my coffee; I take a side street over to 101 Cookbooks, Posie Gets Cozy, and a few others for some culinary inspiration; later, I head over to The Glory of Everything and Phatcatholic and a few other favorites, to ponder upon more faith-related topics. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I like to knock on doors and peek in windows of a few other bloggers to whom I'm introduced via these blogs, so I never know where I'll end up...but I'm sure to find a daily dose of inspiration.

Watermelon

It's so unbearably hot here in the South! I'm seriously melting! So to cool down, we made a pitcher of watermelon juice. Ah, refreshing! Simply juice a watermelon in a blender or juicer. Watermelon is 93% water so it's quite a thirst quencher.

Referrals in through Nov. 21,2005

This month's referrals have arrived for LIDs through November 21, 2005, which means that the CCAA matched seven more days worth of applications since last month. November 22 is supposed to be a really large batch of and to itself, so not sure how far the CCAA will get with the upcoming September referrals. If they managed to pull out 7 more days worth that gets us to the Nov. 28th for the September batch of referrals. We'll just have to wait and see. Remember our LID is 12.12.05. That means only 21 days worth of referrals (which are hundreds) stand between us and our baby girl! Just a few more months and this dramatic wait will be history! Congrats to all families that received theirs this month!

Fairy Tales

I met a lady in the meads

Full beautiful, a faery's child

Her hair was long,

her foot was light

And her eyes were wild

John Keats, La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Do you seek the Road to Fairyland

I'll tell, it's easy, quite

Wait till a yellow moon gets up

O'er purple seas by night,

And gilds a shining pathway

That is sparkling diamond bright

Then, if no evil power be nigh

To thwart you, out of spite,

And if you know the very words

To cast a spell of might,

You get upon a thistledown,

And, if the breeze is right,

You sail away to Fairyland

Along this trick of light.

Ernest Thompson Seton, The Road to Fairyland