The Global Family Cont'd

"If we are merely perplexed by global economic issues, we may be tempted to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world and take comfort in ignorance. However, we who have adopted children from the countries that appear on the product labels don't have the luxury of ignorance. "Made in..." is a reminder of our children's heritage, of the women who gave them birth, of the life they might be leading if they had grown up in their birth countries. If, instead of feeling guilty, we feel responsible toward the people who make the items we buy, how do we then act responsibly? Becoming knowledgeable about them and the conditions f their lives, rather than generalizing from our own standards, is a beginning. The more we know, the less likely we are to see the workers either as "cheap labor" or as anonymous victims of uncontrollable economic forces. They acquire human dignity as people trying to improve their working conditions, to gain more comfort and security, and to provide a better life for their children. We are invited to make common cause with them in working toward greater equity...? "Are Those Kids Yours", by Cheri Register

So, I've concluded over the past few months that adoption, as I so naively understood it when I started the process 2.5 years ago, goes well beyond going out for Chinese every once in a while and celebrating the Chinese New Year. I feel very strongly that our family was "chosen" for this purpose, to create a family through adoption. I now realize that our purpose is much greater than when we first chartered this new territory. We are now part of the global family, with a greater responsibility to humanity.

"This, rather, is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; Setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; Sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; Clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own. If you remove from your midst oppression, false accusation and malicious speech; If you bestow your bread on the hungry and satisfy the afflicted; Then light shall rise for you in the darkness, and the gloom shall become for you like midday; Then the LORD will guide you always and give you plenty even on the parched land. He will renew your strength, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring whose water never fails." Isaiah 58: 6-7,9-11

Where do we begin?

• Supporting organizations that are at the forefront of advocating for change. Some of our favorites are Heifer, Love Without Boundaries, Half the Sky, A Child's Right, and Christian Children's Fund. These are just a few and don't tap the surface of organizations out there who are making efforts to improve social justice.
• Purchasing responsibly. Buying fair trade products, hand-made products, and from companies that are socially responsible.
• Advocating for children's rights abroad and at home.
• Educating ourselves about the realities of world economics.
• Remembering that each life has a purpose.
• Practicing the simple truth of "loving your neighbor".

These are ideas just off the top of my head. There are so many others. May we be challenged to think and act toward the greater good of our Global Family.

Matching Room Details

Here are a few interesting details regarding the matching room, written by a 13-year-old adoptee who recently toured the facility. Go here for the full story.

"One of the things most unique about this trip was the visit to the “match room.” We arrived at a large building with lots of staircases. We went up to the 6th floor. This was where we had been matched with our adoptive families. We saw all the paperwork that parents needed to do to officially adopt us. The supervisor told us that if we were born after 1990, we could look and try to find our file. A nice Chinese woman asked me what year I was born. I answered 1993.
We walked over to a table and she spoke Mandarin to the girl sitting there. This girl scanned a sheet of paper looking for my name. I was so excited when she found my box of papers. Most of the teens were able to see their boxes. On the front of the box both in English and Mandarin was my name, my province, and my date of birth. The boxes were thick with papers and pictures of our (adoptive) parents looking much younger than now. We had a few giggles over those pictures.
We showed each other our papers and our baby pictures from the orphanage. Then we went on a tour of the building and saw the rooms with paperwork on past and current matches. There was one room with big bulletin boards all around it. Each board had tons of pictures of orphans who had been adopted. All the children were so adorable and we felt happy that they all had families now. None of us had even known about the match room so seeing that part of our family story was really special."

The Global Family

I quite like what Cheri Register says in the last chapter of her book "Are Those Kids Yours?". She beautifully articulates the sense of "global responsibility" that I've been experiencing lately.

"Adoption can make a meaningful difference for us parents, if we take time to ponder the questions, "Why did this happen to me? What does it mean for my life?" The more our children's lives have been changed, the more potential they have for changing ours. Rather than let parental love settle into a proprietary fondness for our own children, we can let the wonder we feel at watching them grow nourish a broader, loving concern for children who are not our own, children who still face the risks from which our children have been spared. I believe very firmly that being entrusted with the love and care of children born to someone else in another part of the world carries an obligation of stewardship. In becoming an internationally adoptive family, we claim a place in the global family. Membership in the global family, like membership in our immediate families, obligates us to share in family responsibilities. There are many ways to approach this new role...First, we can make our voices heard in the continuing public discussion of adoption, whether we share our views on the propriety of transracial and intercountry adoption, or respond to media coverage of adoption, which often stereotypes adoptive families as either heroic or troubled. Second, we can work to improve the welfare of children world-wide, with special attention to family security. Third, we can seek and promote greater awareness of the global socioeconomic causes for family dissolution and abandonment of children, and help find just and equitable solution.

...In the long run, we ought to be changing those [inequitable socioeconomic] circumstances. Adoption is paradoxical through and through, a mix of grievous losses and joyous gains, tragic separation and firm belonging. We who live with the paradox day by day can manage yet another one: To be advocates for international adoption while simultaneously working to make it unnecessary. ...We can perhaps foster the change by choosing to adopt only in socially responsible and ethically sound ways that underscore the need for other solutions.

...Only when we become advocates for all children will the future of each child be justly assured."

Drive-by Culture

I have a confession to make. I had every intention of attending a gathering in the park to celebrate the Chinese Moon Festival this past September. I'm generally an outgoing person, but, as I was parking my car, I gazed at, what appeared to be, a very social crowd of Asian families...and fear overcame me. I immediately thought, What if they don't accept me? Will I look stupid being the only white person in the group? So I kept driving, angry at my cowardliness, that I had given up so easily, and used the excuse that I'd feel more comfortable coming next year with my Chinese daughter. I guess the one positive outcome from the situation, that I hadn't anticipated, was that I had, in fact, stepped into the shoes of a person of color...as a minority. The fear of not being accepted was very real for me at that moment. I empathized with the feeling of awkwardness, being among a crowd where I didn't "fit in"...feelings that, no doubt, my daughter will have throughout her life. However, despite learning this lesson, I was still so disappointed in myself for failing to do what I had planned to do - to introduce myself to an ethnic community to which the path of adoption has brought me.

After reading these two posts today, my experience resurfaced (though I had hoped to just sweep under the rug and not share with anyone).

Jae Ran Kim at Harlow's Monkey wrote this in her post "Drive-by Culture":
"The advice I can give is that each child will be different and their needs will be different over time. But, the choice to be involved in the child’s community should never be dependent on the child. Well, I mean that there will be times that the child won’t want to attend culture camp, language lessons, or have tacos on Tuesday and egg rolls on Wednesday. But being part of the child’s community is more than those things, which amount only to cultural tourism. Being part of the community is dependent on the adults. The parents. It’s that the parents attend a Korean church or a Black church for themselves. Because they value it. It’s not about “dropping the kids off at the curb” and coming back to pick them up later. That suggests that culture and diversity is the kid’s job."

And Sue at My Life Postponed had this to say in her post, "Why We Go To Culture School":
"I don’t take my kids to culture school for the things they will learn. So far they have learned a few Hindi letters and a couple of facts about Gandhi that we could teach them at home, with help from google. But I am finding that if I participate in the classes (where appropriate) the learning curve for JL is much more rapid.

I take them there for the relationships. If I cannot model comfort with people of their own origin, then they will pick that up very fast and feel and reflect my own discomfort. I am not always comfortable but I have kept practicing comfort, as best I can, until it becomes more natural and it truly has. And once in awhile, in the midst of what feels like a whole lotta posing, an authentic connection just happens.

I want my kids to know Indian children who are adopted and Indian children whose families (by my daughter’s words) “got to keep them”. And I do want them to know cultural stuff but I also want them to know cultural expression varies according to family and region.
None of that comes without the risk-taking it requires of me–already awkward introvert–to actually establish and have relationships with people from their country of origin, and people who have descended from immigrants from their country.

Sometimes I have to be the first to say hello, and have to smile a few times before the ice gets broken and sometimes the ice remains regardless of my effort and I take the cue to step back. I am also learning that just because someone is not immediately smiling and opening their heart to me, that does not mean they are hostile. Maybe they are shy; maybe they don’t know what to make of our family; maybe there is a language barrier; maybe they have a headache; maybe they have mixed feelings about the environment or someone else nearby and I am taking a vibe–not meant for me–personally.

Community building is not easy for any of us. But we sure can make it easier for each other, if we keep trying. It requires vulnerability, and it requires persistence, and a lifetime commitment. Oh and a thick skin. It all starts with some basic manners, which can be difficult to remember when we are feeling plagued by all kinds of discomfort that systemic racism has taught us.

It’s a responsibility that, for our childrens’ sake, we transracially adoptive parents should not evade. If we want our children to know that we accept them for exactly who they are, a genuine desire to be with and respect people who share their ethnic background is an important aspect of showing–rather than saying–how we feel."

Connecting Adoptees to Their Ethnicities

An excerpt from the NY Times, "Relative Choices: I Am Not a Bridge" written by Sumeia Williams.

"I’m not an expert by any means, but I do rely on my own experiences. I think exposing adoptees to their birth culture is a given. It can offer them a sense of continuation rather than that of having been conjured out of thin air. Just as importantly, having access to and being made to feel a part of communities with similar ethnicities can go a long way. This would require parents to live in or close by and actively engage members of those communities. In my opinion, it does little good for transethnically-adopted children to spend rationed amounts of time in culture camps or among peers with similar ethnicities. To some adoptees, it can feel like being given a warm blanket only to have it yanked away again as they return to their isolated environments.

Because of my own experience, I think transethnically-adopted children may have more success connecting with their communities here in the United States. I connect more successfully with second- and even third-generation Vietnamese Americans rather than those from my own. Vietnam is the country of my birth, but like many of those second- and- third generation Vietnamese Americans, my identity is deeply embedded in American soil. I find commonalities with them in everything from questions of identity to a love of both American and Asian pop culture.

Discussions on race and racism can help children to recognize when they are being discriminated against in order to not fall victims to it. This would require parents to learn to see through the eyes of a person of color — what may become the eyes of their children. The adoptive parents I most admire are those who educate themselves on the subject of racism and become actively involved in its prevention. If my parents had done this, it would have shown that they not only cared about me, but the community of which I’d come to feel a part of — if I’d felt a part of it. Becoming actively involved can also illustrate positive ways with which to deal with racial discrimination and prejudice.

Perhaps the role of the adoptive parent could be viewed, not so much as a bridge, but as a builder of bridges, connecting their children to themselves and their ethnicities. As parents, the ability to find and develop the tools is in their hands, not in the hands of their children. Of course, there is no one solution or guarantee that it would achieve the desired outcome. I don’t think it should be a matter of end result, but of preparing a child to deal with the challenges they face as they come into their own."

Christmas Traditions

I can't believe we are only a few weeks away from Christmas, my all time favorite time of year! Hubby and I were just discussing last night what type of Christmas traditions we'd like to "plant" this year for our children to enjoy for years to come. Since we started our adoption, this will be our third and, hopefully, last Christmas without our Elyza. Each year, we've purchased a Christmas ornament to remind us of her arrival (we didn't think we'd be buying three, mind you). I think this year's will be a framed ornament with her referral picture, representing one of the most hopeful and eagerly awaited Christmas' of them all. Hopefully, we'll continue the ornament tradition as it's served as a tangible symbol of quiet anticipation from year to year.

Last night, we began making a list of things that are important to us, like celebrating Advent and attending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day masses; and then there are the things that are just plain holiday fun, like making gifts, creating a silly Christmas video, and reading T'was the Night Before Christmas.

My friend is kicking off the season, shortly after Thanksgiving, by hosting a Holiday Recipe Swap and silent auction to benefit a local charity. I've created a beaded necklace to contribute to the auction. This has definitely propelled me into the Christmas spirit as now I'm creating a list of other crafty items that I can make to give to loved ones. Also, tonight, a group of local adoptive mamas are hosting a craft fair and proceeds will benefit charity. Additionally, these women bloggers are finding the Loveliness of Handmade Gifts this Christmas and offer creative ideas.

I anticipate that this year's Christmas season, will be more special than years past, as it's my first as a homemaker. Typically, when I was working outside the home, Thanksgiving would come and go, and then I'd look at the calendar and think, "oh, tomorrow is Christmas Eve? How did that happen?" This year, I'm really hoping to absorb the details of the season instead of being absorbed by the hustle and bustle of it. I want to make an effort to bring the presence of Christmas into our home. Though most importantly, I hope to focus all our energies on the real joy and true hope of the season that is found in our Lord.

What are some of your most special holiday traditions? I'd love to hear about them. Feel free to post a comment!

Bella

You still haven't seen the film Bella yet? How much begging do you want from me ;)

Hubby and I had the opportunity to attend a private screening this weekend. This was my second time to see the film (it gets better every time;). After the viewing, the lead actor/producer Eduardo Verastegui was there for a Q&A session. Eduardo is an amazing person. He is so humble, sincere and so passionate about producing films that inspire people. He left a successful career (he was the Brad Pitt of Latin America), to pursue a dream and his personal mission to make films that make a difference.

This low-budget independent movie was filmed in 27 days. It won the Toronto Film Festival People's Choice Award and is winning the hearts of viewers nationwide. It is beautiful, uplifting, inspiring and wonderful...too much for words.

Please visit http://www.bellathemovie.com/ for a listing of theaters nationwide and support the genuine efforts of the hardworking actors, producers, and directors involved in this film! It deserves to gain nationwide success. All promotion has been due to a grassroots effort. I really pray that it succeeds. We need more films like this!

Children's Books

Check out Grace Lin, a writer, who has written several children's books highlighting Chinese traditions and culture which include kite flying, Chinese New Year, fortune cookies, and Dim Sum.

Illustration: from Grace Lin's book

The Great Vaccination Debate

This is a very interesting article related to the Great Vaccination Debate that I found via Healthy Parenting. Granted, our child will have already had some vaccinations, as required, in China; however, many American pediatricians won't run an antibody titer on the child (they claim it's not very accurate) and instead recommend a re-vaccination of ALL vaccines. I'm not cool with that. I'd rather have an incomplete blood test than pump my 16 lb. baby with a double dose of vaccinations, whose safety is still in question. I've talked with the pediatrician that we plan to use and she is willing to work with us on an alternative vaccination schedule. Meanwhile, I'll continue to research the pros and cons. Read the article if you too are contemplating vaccinating your child.

Me Likie Etsy

Yes, I believe that I did previously mention to you that I'm obsessed with Etsy! But you must check out Second Sister's Etsy store. She is in the process of adopting from China and has the most wonderful,whimsical jewelry pieces for adopting "China mommas".

Parenting from the Inside Out

My sis has done it again...it's like she has a weird sixth sense or at least she's hyper-intuitive at times. She sent me a book called Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell. Both she and my friend Elizabeth highly recommended the book the same week, though neither has read it yet. My friend's child is attending Hartzell's school and my sister's Sunday school class has been referring to it. I just googled it, and it just so happens to be one of Hague newly-required readings for international adoption. Go figure! You can purchase a copy through Tapestry Books. Below is a description of the book:

A child psychiatrist and an early childhood expert reveal that the first step in raising happy and healthy children is to fully understand and learn from your own childhood experiences. How many parents have found themselves thinking: I can't believe I just said to my child the very thing my parents used to say to me. Am I just destined to repeat the mistakes of my parents? The authors explore the extent to which our childhood experiences shape the way that we parent. Drawing on new findings in neurobiology and attachment research, they explain how interpersonal relationships directly affect the development of the brain, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories that will help them raise compassionate and resilient children.

Considering the Greater Costs

Lately, I've been feeling very burdened by the complexity of global economics and the world marketplace. How do I, as a consumer, fit into the picture? America has prospered for decades, but not without doing so at the expense of poorer countries (and people) that bear some of the brunt. Recently, I posted about fair trade, sweatshops, and material greed of our society. I don't think that it's any coincidence that lately I seem to keep bumping into the same theme -- socially-conscious consumerism. This really has been weighing heavily on my mind. Partly, because I'm adopting from one of those countries closely tied up in the economic dilemma and partly because I'm beginning to see (late bloomer, I suppose) how negatively my actions, as an individual, though they may seem insignificant at the time, can affect an entire country, a family, and a child unbeknown to me.

It all started when I read this quote which really blew everything wide open for me:

"What a sad thing it is to see that most people never even bother to think about the reason for their existence, but live as if they believe themselves created only to build houses, plant trees, cultivate the garden, pile up wealth or do frivolous things. Consider your own past life. Say, "Lord, what was I thinking of when I was not thinking of You? Whom did I love when I was not loving You? I should have fed upon the truth, but I glutted myself with vanity and served the world instead of serving the truth." -- Saint Francis De Sales, INT. Part I, Ch. 10; O. III, p. 37

Then throughout the week that followed, I read several blogs that brought up the issues of fair trade, and the high costs of consumerism.

Then today, I read this from the Catholic Cathecism regarding social justice:

2423 Any system in which social relationships are determined entirely by economic facts is contrary to the nature of the human person and his acts. 2424 A theory that makes profit the exclusive norm and ultimate end of the economic activity is morally unacceptable. 2426 The development of economic activity and growth in production are meant to provide for the needs of human beings. Economic life is not meant solely to multiply goods produced and increase profit or power; it is ordered first of all to the service of persons of the whole man, and of the entire human community. Economic activity, conducted according to its own proper methods, is to be exercised within the limits of the moral order, in keeping with social justice so as to correspond to God's plan for man. 2439 Rich nations have a grave moral responsibility toward those which are unable to ensure the means of their development by themselves or have been prevented from doing so by tragic historical events. It is a duty in solidarity and charity; it is also an obligation in justice if the prosperity of the rich nations has come from resources that have not been paid for fairly.

And to top it off, as I'm writing this, it just so happens that the song, Waiting on the World To Change, John Mayer is playing in the background. Serendipitous! But anyway back to my point...

So with these ideas converging in my mind over the past month, I've been challenged to take another look at how I live my life as well as how I can live it more responsibly, in my role as a consumer, not only for my own sake, but for the sake of others. I'm not suggesting that one should radically abandon consumerism, give away everything and go live in a cave; However, I can begin by counting the real costs of my purchases and making an effort to become a more socially-concerned consumer. So this is what I'd like to do over the next year (my early New Year resolutions):

1). Really consider if what I'm purchasing is a "need" or a "want". Cut back significantly on buying the "wants". Wants include things like a wreath for my door, a candle for my bathroom, another pair of earrings...how much of that stuff, even if on sale, is really going to matter in a year's time or even by next season.

2). Whenever possible, buy from Craigslist (like our recent car purchase) or other recycled sources such as a thrift store, consignment shop, or yard sale.

3). Purchase items "Made in the U.S.A" or, better yet, from local community artisans, crafters, and such.

4). Pledge to only buy gifts for others that are "made in the U.S.A."; that support a local merchant's trade (like the golfing lessons we purchased for dad last Christmas); are handmade (check out etsy -- I'm obsessed with these creative artists); or that benefit a charity (such as purchases through Heifer, Gethsemani Farms, or Love Without Boundaries which are some of my faves)

5). Purchase from local farmers as much as possible and encourage others to do so as well.

6). Purchase only fair trade coffee and chocolates (yes, these are considered a need of mine and are purchased on a regular basis ;)

7). When purchasing from a company, make an effort to investigate the ethics of their business practices. Most have a "Social Responsibility" link on their website that gives these details.

I'm writing this post as a "note to self" and also to encourage others to consider the real costs involved when we make our next purchases. Happy shopping, and I mean that literally!

About Our Referral

Based on the previous arrival times of referrals, the Rumor Queen projects the following:
The soonest I’d expect to see them this month is Tuesday, November 27 the latest is Friday, December 7. The most likely arrival would be Friday, November 30 or Monday, December 3.

I can't wait to see our daughter's face in our referral next month! Oh, and by the way, did I mention..."We're NEXT!"

Finding Zhao Gu

What a lovely story in the NY Times about an adoptive father who tracks down the man that rescued his baby from a street in China.

Tips While Waiting

This blogger has a lot of great tips that I need to get rolling on over the next 30 days (pre-referral). After the referral arrives, I anticipate that we'll be a little preoccupied with -- JOY!

Helping Your Child Adjust and Bond

I got this post from another blogger who got it from another blogger. Many thanks to the original writer. Wonderful tips for new adoptive parents! Oh, and I just have to say it one more time - "We're NEXT!"

Welcome Home
Helping your adopted child adjust to their new life
October 01,2007 / Adoptions from the Heart

When a newly-adopted baby/toddler joins the family, both parents and child face a period of adjustment, as new parents get used to the new role of parenting, and the baby adjusts to his or her new home and family. Both parents and children have different experiences than families formed through birth. Pregnant moms get months to slowly prepare for parenthood, and lots of social support. It is harder for adoptive parents, because the wait can be long, and the arrival of the child quite abrupt. Society does not have the same expectations of the new parents, or the new child, as they do for a mom coming home from the hospital with her new child, and others do not make the same allowances, or offer the same support.

Helping your new baby adjust to home and family

It is important to understand that the process of adoption and the removal from an orphanage or foster home to an entirely different home in another country is a huge change for a baby, and it can be quite traumatic. Try to see the world from your baby's point of view, and be sensitive to her or his personality and preferences, and his or her cues, signs of distress, overstimulation, anxiety, exhaustion etc.Be aware that your baby may be still grieving. Babies do grieve the loss of those who cared for them, sometimes for weeks and months. Some babies withdraw emotionally, or cry inconsolably for the first few days. This grief often emerges once they are more settled in their new home.The baby has not only been separated from those to whom she had formed an attachment, but from a familiar and predictable environment. Babies are very sensitive to the sights, sounds, smells and feel of an environment: the smell of their care-giver, the smell and texture of her clothing, the type of bottle and formula, and how they receive their food, the feel of a diaper and their clothing, the hardness of their crib mattress, the weight of their covering, the amount of light in the room, the language and background noise they hear. The very limited world orphanage or foster home was familiar, predictable and stable. Suddenly, they are trust into the arms of strangers who are totally different from their familiar caregivers, and whisked through an alarming series of new and strange environments, from the hotel room, the busy streets, the official buildings to the plane ride home. Babies are often overwhelmed and exhausted by this barrage of new and often scary experiences. Your home is just the last of these scary new environments, where he or she is placed in yet another new crib, in yet another strange room, in a place that smells, sounds, and feels different from anything he or she has ever experienced. Babies have jet lag: their days and nights are mixed up. Many babies fall apart when they are safely home, as the cumulative stresses overwhelm them. Many parents report that their babies' sleep patterns are disrupted, that they wake and cry at night, and that they fuss and cry a great deal. Parents can become exhausted, frustrated and discouraged.

Here are some hints on helping your baby to adjust to his or her new home and family.

1. Ease the trauma of transition as far as possible . In some countries, you can visit your baby in the orphanage several times before taking him or her away, but in others, the baby is abruptly taken and handed over to the parent's care. The total sensory impact of this sudden removal from familiar sights, smells, sounds and textures is often traumatic. Anything you can do to provide continuity can help. Ask about your new baby's routines, likes and dislikes. Some parents have been able to send a receiving blanket or soft toy beforehand to the orphanage with their own body scent on it (sleep with it under your nightwear) so their baby recognizes them by smell. Even if washed on return, it will then have the familiar smell of the orphanage to comfort the baby. Before you meet your baby, eat in an ethnic restaurant, so your breath and clothing may smell more familiar to him or her. (Though the nurses in the orphanage may smell mostly of disinfectant!) When you receive your new baby, leave the original clothing on for the first few hours if possible, keep at least one piece of clothing if permitted (take new clothes to exchange) and keep it, unwashed, in the crib for a few days. Keep your baby on the formula and foods given in the orphanage for at least a few days, and make the transition to new formula gradual. Take tapes of local music home to play at home, to ease the transition there.

2. Minimize your child's exposure to anyone outside the family for the first few weeks . Let no one else hold the baby except the parents, even at the airport on your triumphant arrival home!! Isolate yourselves with your new child at home for the first week or two, with as few visitors as possible. Do not let visitors hold your baby. If family members want to help, ask them to bring meals, do shopping and errands, or clean the house. If challenged, say the social worker or doctor advised this early isolation.

3. Recreate the baby's routine . An unvarying and predictable daily routine will help your baby feel more safe and secure. Staying at home with the baby helps create this routine. Keep everything quiet and low-key for a few weeks - no welcome home parties, or other excitement.

4. Focus on building attachment in these early weeks at home.Mom should do as much of the baby care as possible, to establish the primary bond.She should hold and interact with the baby when feeding him or her. Do not allow your baby to bottle-feed by holding the bottle alone. This is a key bonding activity, where the mother should be offering the food and maintaining eye contact. When the baby is eating solids, the mother should always feed him or her herself. Do not encourage early independence in self-feeding. Hold your baby on your lap if possible, with eye contact. If the baby must be in a high chair, keep him or her very close to you, between parents if possible, and touch your baby often, use lots of eye contact and conversation. If your child insists on self-feeding, play interactive, reciprocal feeding games - you put a Cheerio in her mouth, she puts one in your mouth.

Lots of physical contact is very important. Mom should hold and carry the baby as much as possible. Cuddle, caress, stroke and rock. Gentle wrestling and tickling are fine if not over-stimulating. Cuddling your baby with eye contact while rocking her or him in a rocking chair is very beneficial. Use a baby sling or cloth carrier (Snuggly, Baby Bjorn etc) to carry her or him facing inwards against your body, wear your baby all day while you go about household tasks, or out shopping or walking.Engage in frequent playful interaction with your baby. Do not leave your baby to entertain herself or himself for long periods. All of the traditional baby games' are great: pat-a-cake, blowing raspberries, peek-a-boo, counting rhymes with fingers and toes (this little piggie) riding the parent's leg, rolling a ball back and forth, imitating the baby's sounds, etc. Play together with baby toys.Newly-adopted babies should be responded to when they cry in the night. Leaving a baby to cry is not appropriate for newly-adopted children. Mom should stay with the baby as she or he falls asleep, rocking, singing, caressing, etc. Parents should comfort the baby whenever he or she cries in the night. Many babies adjust better when they sleep in the parents' room, either in their own crib near the parents' bed, or with the parents in the Family Bed (if you choose this option, be sure to follow all safety recommendations to ensure the baby does not suffocate on or under soft bedding, get lodged between the bed and the wall, or adjacent furniture, or get suffocated accidentally by parents) Others, including your pediatrician, may advise you to teach the older baby to sleep by herself or himself, by letting him or her cry it out. Only when a child seems securely attached, should parents begin to encourage their baby to learn to sleep through the night alone. Be sure to eliminate medical causes if your baby's sleep is restless and frequently interrupted by waking and crying: intestinal parasites, ear infections and lactose intolerance are possible causes of poor sleeping.

Adjusting to parenting the adopted child

1. Prepare as much as you can beforehand, so you know that you can anticipate when your baby comes home. Find out what behaviors are typical for babies in this period of adjustment, and what expectations are realistic. Read books about adoption, attend any seminars on adoptive parenting, talk to other parents about their experiences at support group meetings. Be sure to learn about how adoption will change family life, especially about post-adoption depression, and the ways you can help to minimize or prevent it.

2. You will have jet lag if you travel to get your child, and you can expect to feel exhausted if your baby does not sleep through the night, and has her days and nights mixed up. Get your support system in place before you return; arrange with family, friends or commercial services to come home to a house that is clean and tidy, and well-stocked with food, so you can recover from jet lag. Enlist help with laundry, meals, errands, babysitting older children, or taking them on outings, etc.

3. Take time for yourself, your spouse, and your other children. You need to take care of yourself. Make sure you eat nutritious food, get some exercise, and some recreation. Don't neglect your marriage. Arrange for a babysitter and go out with your spouse for an evening. Your other children are having to adjust to the new child too. Give them some one-on-one time, and take your older child out for an outing, just the two of you.

4. Get help from your support network when you feel stressed. If you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and depressed, or are feeling frustrated or worried about your child's behavior, talk it over with another adoptive parent you know and trust. Those who have not adopted may not be as sympathetic as parents who have been through it. Don't hesitate to call your social worker about problems, and don't pretend everything is fine when there are problems. She will be able to reassure you that your experiences and feelings are normal, and give you helpful advice.

What If?

This is hilarious! I couldn't help myself! This site is too funny! What if Hollywood Stars were "regular Joes" like you and me...

Britney Spears

Madonna

Latest Update: The Final Countdown Begins

It looks like the cut off is 12.8.05 for this month's batch of referrals. Despite the fact that 12.12 wasn't included this time, Y'all, I'm so excited because I know that WE ARE FINALLY NEXT! The countdown begins! In one month (that's only 30 days!), we too will be receiving our referral!!! Thanksgiving will be a very special holiday for us this year, as my husband and I will be giving much thanks for the child with whom we will soon be matched!

Some of you may be asking...Okay, how do you know for sure this time? Well, this is how I know. Referrals come in at the first of every month. Referral cut off for this month is 12.8.05. That means that the CCAA only has to match 12.9.05 applicants before they match our LID of 12.12.05!! You see, 12.10.05 and 12.11.05 were a Saturday and Sunday so there were no LIDs for those two days. That means that the CCAA only has to match 1 day of referrals before matching our date!

I can't believe that I can finally say with confidence, "we're next"!!

So, over the next month, will you please pray with us?

* Pray for the health and safety of our little one as she waits.

*Pray for the foster mom and/or the orphanage nanny that will be looking after her.

*Pray for our daughter's birthmother and birthfather, as they will always be important people to us and to our child.

*Pray for all the mamas and papas-to-be and our children that are waiting to be united.

Congratulations to all of the families that will be receiving their referrals this month! How amazing it must be to know that you will have your daughter by the end of the year.

Lifetime

From Storypeople:

Lifetime
We're here to end it,
I said & she said, No,
we're here to begin it
& then she turned &
opened her arms
& everywhere I could see,
there were people,
like bright birds, calling
with a thousand voices
& suddenly I understood.

Here is where it begins.
With all of us, together
giving our daughters
a world worth loving
for a lifetime to come.

Bella Means "Beautiful"

Drop all of your plans this weekend, get a babysitter, and GO SEE the movie, Bella, winner of the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival! The thing is, it's only being released for a two-week run in select theaters. In order for it to receive a nationwide release, people must see it the SECOND WEEK of its release (that's what the movie business requires in order for it to run nationwide). I'm telling you this movie is a phenomenal piece of film art! I have to see it again!

The following is a great description, and background about the movie, written by Karl Keating:

"...It was even better than represented to be. "Bella" is an intensely pro-life and pro-family film, yet the terms "pro-life" and "abortion" never appear in it. In no way preachy or propagandistic, the film conveys a strong message that love can overcome brokenness and that old sorrows do not have to be compounded with new sorrows.

In "Bella" Tammy Blanchard plays a waitress who is fired on the day she discovers she is pregnant. Eduardo Verastegui, a chef at the same restaurant, befriends her, losing his own job in the process. She comes from an unhappy home and does not want a child; he comes from a happy home but years before had his own life changed through a terrible accident. During the course of a day together each one begins a recovery...

And that is all I want to say about the plot, not wanting to be accused of being a spoiler.

I do want to say, though, that this is a remarkable movie, in several ways. It won the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival last year. Severino and the other principals behind the movie thought themselves lucky even to have "Bella" shown at the festival, which often showcases films that go on to win Oscars. They expected nothing because they were movie novices. "Bella" was a first-time effort for the producers, the director, the screenwriters, and for many of the actors.

Severino and the others behind the film are devout Catholics, several of them having come to or back to the Church only in recent years. Verastegui, with Severino and director Alejandro Monteverde worked on this project that all three felt Providence called them to engage in.

I hope he and his partners have much success with this film--first, because it really is a fine production and deserves to be recognized as such, and, second, because, if the movie succeeds, these fellows intend to produce more films of the same high caliber--high both in production values and in serious, morally uplifting content.

So here comes my request to you: Go and see "Bella." Take your entire family with you. Take your friends with you, if you have friends. Take strangers with you, if you do not have friends. But do not go during the first week. Go during the second week to help that trend line.

To find out whether you are in one of the 31 markets where the film debuts this weekend, visit www.bellathemovie.com , where you will find a list of cities and, for each city, a list of theaters where "Bella" will be shown. Once you have seen "Bella," talk it up to everyone on your e-mail list, and visit our forums and participate in discussions about the film.

Here's another trailer just in case you aren't convinced yet. Go see it this week!

Bakin' and Waitin'

All is quiet on the adoption front. So I'm a' bakin' while I'm a' waitin'. It helps to 1). pass the time, 2). distract me from checking my email every 10 minutes, and 3). a little chocolate therapy ain't bad, y'all (that last bit sounded like Paula Dean).

Give these a try:
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies (these are the dreamiest cookies ever)
Ingredients:
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup white sugar
1 cup light brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup canned pumpkin puree
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
2 cups (12-ounce bag) milk chocolate chips, not semisweet
Nonstick cooking spray or parchment paper

Directions: (yields 60 cookies so you can freeze half of them if you'd like...or eat all 60 of 'em if this wait has got you stressed)
Heat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spray cookie sheets with nonstick spray or line them with parchment paper.Using a mixer, beat the butter until smooth. Beat in the white and brown sugars, a little at a time, until the mixture is light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs 1 at a time, then mix in the vanilla and pumpkin puree. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and cloves. Slowly beat the flour mixture into the batter in thirds. Stir in the chips. Scoop the cookie dough by heaping tablespoons onto the prepared cookie sheets and bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the cookies are browned around the edges. Remove the cookie sheets from the oven and let them rest for 2 minutes. Take the cookies off with a spatula and cool them on wire racks.

Puffs & Pretzels Haystacks these are actually a no-bake treat
From Kashi
Makes 3 dozen

Ingredients:
3 1/2 cups Kashi® Puffed cereal
1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut (I used craisins)
1 cup broken pretzel sticks (about 3/4 inch pieces)
2/3 cup coarsely chopped almonds
12 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips
½ cup all-natural peanut butter (or almond butter)

Directions:
Combine Kashi Puffed cereal, pretzel pieces, almonds, and coconut in a large bowl.
Place chocolate chips in a small, microwave-safe bowl and microwave until melted, stirring every 30 seconds. Add peanut butter for final 20 seconds and stir until smooth.
Pour melted mixture over cereal and stir until well coated. Drop single tablespoon-sized dollops onto waxed paper. Refrigerate until firm and serve.