The first of this month brought me a rough start with the disappointing referral news (only 3 days worth) and rumors of even more dreadful upsets likely headed our way. All this, shook my foundation a bit, and, for a short time, I was left feeling complete despair. Why would this happen just as they are beginning to match *my* month? Haven't *I* been patient enough already? Can't *we* catch a break already? It felt like a sucker punch to the stomach and to an already very battered and bruised aching heart.
Soon after, I felt a urging to look at these trials in a different light. I earnestly began thanking God for the trial, knowing that this will foster a stronger character, a more grateful and humble heart, and more faith and reliance on what He has planned. And for a day or so, I was back on top again, confident that *I* wouldn't be fazed by this wait. But I'm weak. With the utterings of a cruel adoption rumor floating out there, I was back on the bottom again.
It is so difficult to not desire what *we* think is best for us (usually tangible material things), and instead what He desires for our soul (the spiritual things not found in this world). It's difficult to let go of what little control that we think we have over situations and to instead endure with a glad heart the trials that life throws at us. I seem to want to put my hope in the things that *I* presume will make me happiest, yet it proves as futile as building a house with a deck of cards - the slightest shift and it all comes tumbling down. Deep down I know this is not where my hope should be. Usually the more difficult path proves to be the most rewarding. An ongoing life lesson, I suppose.
"...bear patiently the slight injuries, the little inconveniences, sickness, the unwarranted demands of relatives - in short, all such little trials which, when they are accepted and embraced with love, are highly pleasing to the good God and are a means of storing up vast spiritual riches if only you use them well." Saint Francis De Sales, INT. Part III, Ch. 35;O. III, p. 254