Hope

I was thrilled and very touched to receive this sweet silver pendant from my mom and dad this Christmas. It's handmade by Second Sister who I mentioned here on my blog. The back of the pendant is inscribed with a Chinese Proverb: "Keep a green bough in your heart and a singing bird will come." How perfect is this proverb for us hopeful waiting parents! I've kept a green bough of hope in my heart for 2.5 years and my singing bird, Elyza, is due to arrive January-ish.

I've come to know HOPE in a powerful new light over the past few years. It has been an incredible source of strength on which to perch my weary soul. Hope's roots grow deep within my heart and, there too, reap and sow more when it seems barren. It has kept possible the impossible. Hope is truly the miracle in itself.

"Be joyful in Hope... Hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Roman 12:12 and Roman 5:5

Choosing to Live in Hope

Another inspiring Advent Reading from Henri Nouwen's Advent Meditations:
"I have found it very important to try to let go of my wishes and instead to live in hope... To wait with openness and trust is an enormously radical attitude toward life. It is choosing to hope that something is happening for us that is far beyond our own imaginings. It is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life. It is living with the conviction that God molds us in love, holds us in tenderness, and moves us away from the sources of our fear."

Hope

Needless to say, there are some days when this waiting is no fun. Today is one of those days for me. You'd almost rather have all of your teeth pulled out than to be dragged here, there, and yonder by all of the rumors that start pouring in around this time of month as we get closer to the next batch of referrals...rumors that the cut-off didn't make it as far as you'd hoped, rumors that there is yet another slow down (how much slower can we possibly get!), and so on. On these days, you feel like crying your eyes out and giving in to the despair, but you decide not to do that, because deep inside, you feel that there is the tiniest bit of hope pushing you forward...making you more courageous. You think back and try to remember life before the adoption wait, and you realize adoption has always been there calling you. It's been written on our hearts for a very long time. It's shapes us into who we've become. So we take a deep breath on these days, and let ourselves be filled with the goodness of the day and drink the cup of Grace that comes along with it.

Almost Time

This month marks two years since we made the decision to adopt from China and began working on the process. I've basically seen 3 Mother's Days come and go thinking with each one, "next year we'll have our daughter". Like many adoptive parents stuck in the inevitable "wait period" of adoption, one begins to think, "will this ever really happen?" as days turn to months, seasons pass, months begin to turn to years, and the waiting process slows for reasons unclear to you and reasons well beyond your control.

This past winter seemed like an eternity for me, many cold dreary days, with little hint that spring would be coming. But spring did arrive, none too late, fulfilling all the promises that it brings.

On the other side of the world, across a vast ocean, a daughter waits for us. This wait will pass, like the seasons; and, in time, the sun will shine; she will be home.


Just across the sea on this world so round
the sun's shining hot right now.
And even though the winter still surrounds this town
I can still feel that sun somehow.

Chorus
When I know that my sun will shine just as sure as this world can spin,I can hold on fine, cause it almost time, for that sun to come 'round again.

So I'll walk beside the sea on this frozen ground
where there once was a warm weather crowd.
Even though that summer's been a long time gone,
I can still feel that sun somehow.

Chorus
When your love grows cold and your heart grows dark
and the blame seems to fall on you.
Well look how seasons must change and don't think it so strange
that your love goes in circles too.

And just know that your sun will shine just as sure as this world can spin,
and I know you'll find, that it's almost time, for that love to come 'round again.
We can hold on fine, cause it almost time, for that love to come 'round again.

Almost Time, David Wilcox

photo: Nick Langor

Day by Day -- Living in the Present

"Above all, we can not afford NOT to live in the present. He is blessed over all mortals who loses no moments of the passing life in remembering the past." - Henry David Thoreau from his essay on Walking.

I "second" that thought, Mr. Thoreau, and I'd also like to further add that he is blessed that loses no moments of the passing life in dwelling on the FUTURE. During this wait, it is so very easy to let thoughts of the future steal the very blessings and small joys that each day unfolds. Though the wait is long, I am learning that I must live out today fully. Be present in the present. All of our tomorrows will have our attention when they too become our "todays" but for now they are merely our "tomorrows". I don't want to look back on this time of waiting as just a blur. I want to see it for what it clearly is -- a gift from God; a season of fostering faith; a time to enjoy the stillness of the morning; an opportunity to nurture the talents and interests that God has sown in me; a chance to learn how to slow my pace and be renewed daily; a time to be hopeful in the unwrapped gifts of tomorrow.

I'll grant you, this lesson is not an easy one. I have to constantly remind myself, almost to the point of tying a string around my finger. I'm making a list, though, of what living in the present means to me. It includes simple things such as reading, writing a lifebook, researching, baking, gardening, volunteering, praying and such. It's a gentle reminder to continue to focus on today's gifts and to be hopeful for tomorrow's.

So my fellow adoptive friends, our babies await us. Soon will be the day that we will be united. But for now, let's live in the present.

Optimism Amid Ambiguity of the Wait

"Ambiguity is one of the most difficult things to tolerate, and the intolerance leads to poor choices. Not knowing, not knowing how something will turn out, leads to impatience for an outcome. The impatience then results in one of the two actions: either a resolution is forced, or there is a move to retreat, to give up. Either way, the result cannot be optimal, for in every situation, a process is working, an intricate, complex process, which has its goal the highest outcome, the good of the whole, which we cannot easily see or grasp. This ability to allow the process to work can be called faith, and this faith is not a belief, this faith is not passive. The self-discipline needed to overcome the anxiety of ambiguity takes enormous effort to sustain....The truth is that every single moment of every single life is uncertain.....True power lies in accepting the fact that everything is uncertain in every moment; it is the truth and it is where our freedom lies. A small shift in thinking, a slight willingness to admit the possibility, and one can see that if everything is uncertain then anything is possible...My only hope is to embrace the uncertainty, rejoice in the ambiguity, let the process proceed. " - Beth Nonte Russell in Forever Lily